Loved and Desired
by cggirl3
Summary: PART 2 of Forgiven, and Loved. Takes place about four years after Part 1. After a few years of relative peace, there is a new enemy that threatens the order of Soul Society, which reunites the whole team and complicates the web of romance. ByaRuki main pairing. Rated M. Original arc (by me).


Hey everyone I'm back with Part 2 of Forgiven and Loved! Sorry for the super long wait, I've been really busy lately! Anyways to all you new people this is PART 2 so if you haven't read Part 1, please do so! It's called Forgiven, and Loved. Now to all my continuing readers, thanks for all of you who left wonderful reviews (and please continue reviewing XD). I won't take up too much of your time now since I've already made you wait long enough lol, but anyways follow/favorite and review guys, it means a lot to me and thanks so much! I was originally planning to make this chapter longer but I thought I made you guys wait enough so here it is and I hope you enjoy it! Cover pic credits go to cezaria.

Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo, not me.

Warning: Some mature content. And RenRuki (unfortunately).

PART 2

Chapter 1- What Do You Mean?

Few years later

~Rukia~

Things were slowly starting to get heated and Rukia was starting to breathe heavily. She felt her heart start racing as the heavy makeout session turned into something more. The guy in front of her trailed kisses along her neck, as his hands continued to trace up and down along the shape of her body, eventually resting on her breasts and gently massaging them. Rukia pushed him away for just a moment, quickly taking off her clothes, now clothed in only a bra and underwear; she didn't want to wait any longer to be his woman. He followed her as well, disrobing himself and then continued kissing again at her neck and left a trail of kisses down to her navel, but Rukia pulled him back up to face her as she collided her lips against his hungrily. Her hands were on his back and his on hers, as he reached to unclasp her bra. Her hands went up to feel his amazing silky long black hair as he continued to kiss her and she felt excitement for his beautiful gray eyes to look into hers… _Wait…_

Rukia almost screamed in surprise. She threw him off and scrambled to quickly clothe herself.

"Woah Rukia what's wrong?" asked Renji, clearly in shock as his girlfriend/fiancé literally threw him across the room just when they were starting to have an amazing night.

"I-uh…I'm…not ready. I'm sorry Renji I thought I was but…," _Aw hell what am I even doing?_ "Anyways could you-um…could you please leave? I just think I need to be alone for now," she said.

"Are you getting the migraines again?" Renji asked, worried.

"No, it's not that, I'm fine. I kind of just want to be alone right now, sorry."

Understandably he was upset, but it still kind of frightened Rukia when he threw the water pitcher on her table against the ground in frustration after he got himself dressed.

"I'm sorry, Renji…"

"Yeah whatever it's fine. I'll see you later." He walked out not even bothering to look at her once. _Well way to go again Rukia._

She knew she was being completely ridiculous and indecisive, but honestly she didn't know why herself. She had remembered being quite smitten with Renji before she had gotten into a coma, but for the love of God could not figure out why she just was not able to see him the same way anymore. She felt more like it was her duty to be with him, truth be told. Rukia loved him yes, but she kept having trouble seeing him as anything more than a good friend. She had tried to tell herself it was possible perhaps through some physical intimacy…but here she was back at square one again. And was she seriously imagining her annoyingly attractive adopted brother instead of Renji?

The night she had first seen Byakuya, he ran up to her and hugged her, which ended up kind of surprising her because she didn't know who he was at the time, but it also felt pretty good to be embraced by such a good-looking man. When she had asked him who he was and if they were close, he didn't respond. He simply said it's good that she was alright now and left her alone almost immediately after, not bothering to answer any of her questions. The next day Rangiku came to visit and explained everything. The man's name was Byakuya Kuchiki, and he adopted her into his family a while ago. It was strange, she knew this fact but realized that oddly enough she never actually saw the man before then. However, Rangiku also explained that they were never really close so any contact there was between them was very brief, lasting minutes at most, so if Rukia were to forget about anyone it makes sense it would be the Division 6 Captain. When asking Rangiku why he would hug her like that when it seemed like he didn't care much, she responded by saying "Well, no matter how cold he is, you are his sister after all." These few words made Rukia feel a light pang in her chest, as if they were cutting her deeply. But it really didn't make sense, she barely knew the guy, and if he did care for her like an older brother would, Rukia, who had no other family should have felt happy about that…right?

Placing it on her confused state of mind, Rukia shrugged it off and did everything she could to get to get stronger, and focused on being in a good relationship with Renji. But from time to time she would go to Byakuya's office to ask where Renji was, just to admire the captain from afar for even just a moment. She knew it wasn't right but dismissed it as just a sister looking up to her older brother, though deep down she knew that wasn't exactly the case. He never made eye contact with her though, and it was as if she were the last thing he'd ever want to see, which did hurt Rukia.

One fine day she walked into his room with some of his favorite tea, attempting to form some sort of connection with him despite how infeasible it seemed. He was definitely surprised but as usual didn't show it much.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Uh…hi…Nii-sama. I just brought you some tea," she said placing the cup down and pouring in the tea, mentally chanting to not spill it over, while gawking at his beauty.

"Is there anything you needed?"

"Oh! No, I just wanted to see how you were doing…"

"I am fine," he said continuing to work on whatever it was he was writing.

She then looked at her surroundings, getting a good look at his room for the first time. It was more on the simple side even though he was very wealthy and could've added in as many luxurious things as he wanted. There was his bed at the other side, a desk for his work that he was currently sitting at, a cabinet filled with some porcelain material, and another table at the corner of the room, which had some sort of picture frame on top of it. Naturally curious, she went up to it for she wanted to get a good look at who it was exactly, and nearly gasped at how much it looked like her. This must've been his wife that Rangiku had told her about. The one whose death had apparently completely changed Byakuya making him the cold and nonchalant person he seemed to be today.

"Woah…I really do look like her, huh?" she said absentmindedly, staring at the picture.

Byakuya now got up and walked over, taking the picture frame and putting it inside the drawer of the table.

"If you'll excuse me, Rukia, I'm quite busy," then hesitating, added in, "but thank you for the tea."

The next day itself, she decided to get a haircut. She told herself she wanted a new look, to just switch it up a bit, but deep down she knew she did it because her resemblance to Hisana was quite bothersome to her. People were surprised, but they liked it, and Rukia continued to keep it short throughout the years.

Now, she was lieutenant, had more responsibilities, and when the other lieutenants and captains met up once in a while just to spend some time together, Byakuya Kuchiki never once showed up. She knew he was not really a social person but would it kill him to be with others every once in a while? _Oh, right…_ _He feels like he has no one…I wish I could be there for him somehow, so that he doesn't feel alone…_ But by the looks of it maybe she was the last person he wanted to see for it seemed like he had been trying to avoid her as much as possible, so thinking she was respecting his wishes, she stopped bothering him altogether. She did, however, promise herself that if he were to initiate in any way that showed he did want to be around her and get to know her or something of that sort, she would definitely be there for him.

The last time he had spoken to her directly while making eye contact or showed any sort of concern was when he almost died against the Quincy who had stolen his Bankai. He had said to her at the time that he was genuinely glad she was alright, and that he hoped she would continue to become stronger. Rukia was scared as hell that he truly was going to die, but putting on a brave face instead she told him, "You're going to be just fine. After all, nobody can defeat Byakuya Kuchiki." His lips curved upwards into a very subtle smile, just enough for Rukia to notice, causing her heart to beat faster.

She would never forget when she was finally able to use Bankai against a powerful Wandenreich though. She didn't have it completely under control but she killed the bastard and that was great. Had Byakuya not been there though, she probably would've panicked and ended up hurting herself. What made her really beam with happiness though was when he said that her Bankai was truly a beautiful one. She knew it was dumb but it honestly felt like he was saying that _she_ was beautiful. Wishful thinking undoubtedly, but she couldn't help feeling this way.

Looking down at her snowflake pendant, which she still had no recollection of where she got it from exactly, she ran her finger over it and sighed as she got back to doing her assigned paperwork.

~Rangiku~

Rangiku lay in her bed, thinking about her friend Rukia's progression throughout the years. She still clearly had not regained any memories she had with the coldhearted 6th Division captain. For all Rukia knew, he was just her brother who was always distant and never talked to her much. And Rangiku just could not understand why the hell he would be okay with that.

~Flashback~

 _I wonder what he needs me to do now…please let it not be more paperwork…_ Rangiku thought to herself, walking towards her captain's office. He had just sent a Hell butterfly for her, asking her to come immediately to his office.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to find a Toshiro Hitsugaya, with his eyebrows knitted together in concentration, working on writing up some reports very seriously. Probably the stuff _she_ should've been doing. Rangiku got ready to give him the cutest puppy dog eyes ever to apologize.

"Taicho I'm so sorry-," she started but was interrupted.

"Matsumoto, you're here," he said very coolly, but she saw a bit of conflict stirring in his eyes.

"I promise I will work on those reports later tonight-,"

"No that's not why I called you here," then clearing his throat, "I have a request."

"Yes? What is it?" Rangiku asked, quite surprised he was asking her so nicely. And it was a request, not a command from her superior.

"Have you gone to see Rukia yet today?"

"I saw her for a bit last night, but I was going to visit her later today to check in on her. Why?"

He sighed. "Apparently she is not completely recovered, mentally, I mean. It appears she's lost some of her memories."

"What? She seemed totally fine to me!"

"Her memories of only one person were affected. It's Captain Kuchiki of Division 6."

Rangiku was shocked. Rukia seemed totally normal the day before, but thinking about it again she realized that not once was his name brought up. "That Aizen bastard did this, didn't he?" Rangiku was enraged. He not only took away her very first friend and love, but he messed with Rukia's mind as well.

"Yes, we're not sure how but he did."

"Well then let's Judas cradle or dump that motherfucker into boiling hot water until he tells us how to fix her!"

"No, Matsumoto. Since she seems fine otherwise, we will do no such thing. In fact, I want you to make sure she all she sees in Captain Kuchiki is simply an older brother who she was never close to."

"What the-why would you want me to do that?!"

"Please, Rangiku. I request it of you, not just as your Captain but as someone who…considers you a more-than-competent ally…and friend." He was lowkey blushing, probably embarrassed to say such a thing, and had this been any other time she would've joked about it but she was in total and utter shock.

"Did Kuchiki-taicho put you up to this?" she asked.

He closed his eyes for a second, hesitating, but then responded, "Yes. But I don't want you to bother him about this matter, alright?"

"…As you wish, Taicho."

~Present~

Of course she followed through with her captain's request. Though she was quite lazy and behind on her duties most of the time as a lieutenant, her captain had never asked for a favor in such a way. And Rangiku had a very strong sense of loyalty towards her captain despite being seemingly a free bird in many people's eyes.

Sighing, she turned to her side to find a comfortable position to sleep in. She had honestly been afraid to sleep recently because of the nightmares she'd been having. She'd be fine whenever she had things that distracted her, like battles to be fought, but when she was alone, her feeling of loneliness intensified and anxiety in the form of nightmares came to her. She'd keep seeing Gin's death over and over and it drove her insane because there was literally nothing she could do about it. Other times she'd have a happy dream of them together in complete bliss, an unattainable scene which might have once been possible, which she found to be worse. Because as soon as she'd wake up she'd realize that he was gone all over again, and she'd never have the opportunity to tell him her feelings. Soon after, she'd find her pillow wet with her tears.

She did not want her friend Rukia to have the same fate as herself. Putting her hand inside her pillow she took out the letter addressed to _Byakuya-sama_ which Rukia had written years ago, just before she'd gone into Hueco Mundo on her own. Technically, Rangiku was supposed to burn it as her friend was back and fine, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. And so she kept it in her pillow, hoping to one day give it back to Rukia; hoping that one day her friend would just magically remember everything.

~Byakuya~

A lot had happened over the past four years, but Byakuya made sure to never make even one of what he considered to be a wrong step towards Rukia. He had wanted many times to tell her the truth of it all, but…really what was the majority of their relationship even back then? Unspoken words and longing glances from time to time? It's not as if he could just implant the love she used to have for him back in her mind. So he took the easiest way out and decided to lock away his heart. He took her memory loss as a sign from nature itself, preventing him from breaking any more promises. He was sorry to Hisana, and to his parents. Because he could not be a good husband for Hisana-they never had much time, but he could not grant her properly the one wish she asked of him before dying. And he could not be a good son for he disobeyed their wishes. For decades he avoided even looking at Rukia, but within a few weeks he was falling for her. So yes he still loved Rukia, but he would never let her know. And so he had asked a favor that no one else mention to her that they once were…on the pathway of becoming quite close.

Rukia grew beautifully no doubt; though she remained the same height overall, her body had subtly become more curvaceous like a woman's, and she had a more mature look to her even though she had cut her hair short. Which he did find quite strange at first, since it was so sudden- and the day right after she had come to his room, commenting how she did bear quite a resemblance to Hisana. He for a moment allowed himself to think that maybe it was because she _didn't_ want to look like Hisana, that maybe she wanted him to notice her as Rukia…before mentally slapping himself back to reality that that was in no way possible. After all, he was just the brother who never really paid much attention. He so badly wanted to give her attention, but ended up avoiding her as much as possible instead because the honest truth was…he was afraid of himself. Afraid he would just confess to her the sinful thoughts he's had of them together and just drive her away even further with that. He had almost confessed to her a couple years back when he thought he was dying, and concerned that he truly would, he kept his distance after he recovered from his injuries.

Byakuya was worried but also quite proud of her for becoming a lieutenant, and for reaching Bankai though obviously she still had a lot of work and training cut out for her. She did not know how to handle her Bankai properly for she ended up almost hurting herself in the process when using it against the hideous monster, but luckily he was there and his words seemed to helped her relax so her icy zanpakuto didn't end up freezing and cracking her to pieces too. She focused a lot on getting stronger since then, which truthfully made her that much more attractive to him.

The one thing he hated more than anything else was the fact that she and Renji were engaged. Yes, they were engaged before her memory loss as well, but that was not the worst part. The worst part of it was she _actually_ seemed to believe that she was in love with Renji, though the reason why- he could never figure out. Byakuya wasn't an idiot; he knew back then that Renji was just a friend to her and she only accepted the whole arrangement because she felt it was her duty to. In fact, he felt more threatened by the orange-haired Ichigo; he was clearly smitten with her, and Byakuya knew Rukia always found him special from the start. But now, he would see that his lieutenant and Rukia would be hanging out quite often, much as a real couple would, and he had the misfortune of seeing them quite happy together. Not only that, but sometimes Rukia would come to his office asking where Renji was, as if expecting Byakuya to be his keeper or something. But then again he was his captain. This drove him insane, but of course he kept his feelings in and did the right thing by giving her the answer she wanted to hear.

Byakuya was now currently training, though he didn't know what exactly chopping down trees with Senbonzakura would help with, but it was a good way to distract himself. And that was when the annoying baboon, a.k.a. his lieutenant, showed up.

"Taicho, could I have a word?" Renji asked.

"Could it not have waited until I was done here?" Byakuya asked, clearly annoyed.

"Oh I thought you were just killing time here."

 _This goddamn…_ He glared at his lieutenant. "What is it you need?"

"It's just you know how Rukia and I are engaged?" _Yes you fool I fucking know that._ What was he trying to do, just rub it in his face that Rukia was officially going to be his woman?

"And?"

"I just thought well we should have an engagement party, you know? And I think having it at your house would be perfect, Taicho."

Byakuya looked down at his zanpakuto. The sword. Eight and a half feet of distance. Easily could be covered in three-eighths of a second. It would be quite simple for Byakuya to shish kebab this buffoon right then and there.

And just five seconds later, while this internal debate was going on, he sensed her presence. Her spiritual pressure was stronger than before, and not only that but he smelled the sweet but subtle scent of lilacs from her and recognized it.

"Renji, there you are!" she yelled at Renji. _Stop, please don't do this in front of me…_

It was as if she read his mind or something because she turned around instantly and softly called out, "Nii-sama…"

"Hey Rukia I was just talking with Taicho about how we should have our engagement party at the Kuchiki house."

She was clearly uncomfortable and looking for a chance to hit him but Byakuya's presence must've stopped her for she said through gritted teeth and a plastered-on smile, "You should talk about these things with me before going to my brother, Renji, don't you think?"

"Well what do you say Taicho?" asked Renji, despite Rukia's glare signaling him to shut up.

"Do whatever you like," Byakuya responded, sheathing his zanpakuto and walking away, carrying the burden of a million tears in his soul, behind those eyes of his that appeared so soulless to those around him.

~Rukia~

She had made up with Renji, and yet the idiot went ahead and did something stupid. _You fucking idiot…why would you ask Byakuya- my Nii-sama that?_ And he hadn't even discussed it with her! She was a crucial part of the engagement in the first place, or had he forgotten that weddings involved TWO PEOPLE? After getting angry at him once more and saying she did not want to see him at least for the remainder of the night, she ran off to Rangiku's place. She was in desperate need of her optimistic and alcoholic friend.

"Alright Rukia, just spit it out, what's bothering you?" Rangiku asked, obviously pouring herself a cup of sake.

"I just…Rangiku, Renji's honestly been driving me insane lately," Rukia said, needing to get this off her chest.

"Oh dear. Want a drink?" She held out a cup.

"Nah I'm good, thanks."

"More for me then," she said gulping down the drink. "So what's the guy been doing that's driving you so insane, huh?"

"Ok well today guess what he did? He wanted to throw an engagement party at the Kuchiki house so he went ahead and _asked my brother!_ "

At this, Rukia noticed Rangiku freeze for a moment before continuing to pour herself a cup. _Why's she being weird…?_

"Well you are engaged, a party seems in order," Rangiku said.

"Well yeah but he could've discussed it with me before going to Nii-sama!"

"Are you upset that he didn't discuss having a party with you or because he went to your brother about it?"

She stared in shock at her friend. "You know what? I…I need a drink."

Rangiku smirked as she poured her friend a glass.

~Rangiku~

"I think I'm honestly losing my mind, Rangiku," her friend Rukia said, the drunken glow already showing up on her friend's face after just two drinks.

"What exactly is going on? You guys were always getting along well right?"

"Yeah…but…I don't know…"

"Rukia, I'm your friend. You can tell me anything and I promise not to judge you. Is the sex not good or something?"

"Rangiku!"

"What?" She gave her a genuinely confused look.

"We haven't yet…" Rukia said, clearing her throat.

"What?! But you guys hung out late so often…and didn't he go home with you the other night?"

"I mean we were getting there…but I just couldn't do it! And the worst thing is, it was literally me that asked him to come in the first place!"

"Rukia honey calm down. So what was bothering you so much that you couldn't just fuck him? Is there someone else?"

"What? No I'm not cheating on him. Who would I cheat on him with anyways?"

"Maybe that gorgeous tall handsome so called brother of yours…" Rangiku muttered under her breath. Which Rukia heard.

"What the-what are you saying?!" Rukia said, her face now entirely red, eyes in shock. Then surprising Rangiku even further, "Rangiku…are you a mind reader?"

Rangiku stared at her, completely dumbfounded. "Okayyy, somebody's getting very drunk, I think that's enough for tonight dear," Rangiku said, taking the bottle away from her.

"I just…I thought I loved him you know? Before Aizen did whatever it was…I remembered loving him. But I just don't feel that anymore…it all just seems so forced. Sometimes I feel like I never did love him as more than a friend…I don't know I just feel really confused. And I don't know why Byakuya-nii-sama is so cold to me…Do I still look like her even like this?" She asked, pointing to her face. She then closed her eyes and her head hit the table. She fell asleep.

 _Oh dear…even though you don't remember him, those feelings for him are still there aren't they?_

~Byakuya~

If he heard the maids in house talk about the "Lieutenant rocker couple" or "the RR couple"one more time, Byakuya was quite sure he'd literally tear down his own house just so he wouldn't have to hear it. However, instead of taking such drastic measures he thought maybe just staying out as much as possible would be a more reasonable option. He was in his office, sketching the seaweed monster, a habit he had picked up on recently that was actually helping him keep his mind from wandering, when the Division 10 lieutenant showed up, unannounced. He quickly stashed away the drawing before she walked in.

"What reason do you have to be here, Lieutenant Matsumoto of Division 10?" he asked calmly.

She closed the door behind her and came closer to his desk. Whatever it was, she sure was taking her time. She then reached inside her shinigami robes. _What the fuck?!_

He looked away. "Just what do you think you're-," he started, but stopped when he saw an envelope.

"I probably should not be doing this, but you know what? This was Rukia's request. I mean she may be fine physically but she's clearly not mentally, so I think it makes perfect sense for me to give this to you." This woman was clearly trying to justify her actions to herself. She put the envelope on his desk.

"I'll be taking my leave now Kuchiki-taicho." And just like that she walked right back out.

He stared at the envelope for a moment, before picking it up. It was slightly wrinkled around the edges, showing its age, and _Byakuya-sama_ was written on it. His heart started to beat faster in anticipation of what contents were in the letter, but he hesitated for he wasn't sure if he was ready to see this. He put it down and took out of one of his drawers the pictures they had taken at the photo booth that one day in the World of the Living. He didn't take it out much but when he did, it was for when he was feeling the most miserable and alone, for those times when he thought he wouldn't be able to put on an act for everyone else. Seeing the pictures reminded him that though she considered him a stranger now, there were days when they were quite close and she really cared for him, and this knowledge comforted him even if just a little. But in a way they also made him feel worse, because those days were no more. _Just read the damn thing, Byakuya._ Taking a deep breath, he finally opened up the letter.

~Rukia~

The next day Rukia decided to talk it out with Renji. Yes she was mad at him for many things but she also felt at fault for her unpredictable behavior as of late.

"Sorry Renji."

He looked surprised. "For what?"

"Just how I've been acting lately and all. For the record I'm still annoyed that you would go ask my Nii-sama such a thing, but I admit I've also not been the best girlfriend ever so…"

He stared at her in shock.

"What are you looking at me like that for? I'm still mad by the way."

"You…you're so cute even when you're all annoyed!"

"You idiot! Now I feel more annoyed!"

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry too. And about the other night…"

Now Rukia was starting to feel plain awkward.

"We can take it slow, Rukia, if that's what you want," he said.

"Yeah…I think that'd be good."

He suddenly pulled her into a hug, surprising her a little, but she hugged back. Here was an amazing boyfriend; yes, he was kind of rough around the edges and a complete idiot at times, but she could tell that he cared about her a lot. She cared for him too, but every time she was with him she just felt like there was something missing. She racked her brain over and over again but just couldn't figure it out. For half a second, she thought of her Nii-sama but quickly reprimanded herself for being crazy.

"Hey I've got to go run some errands, but I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah."

She knew she was being stupid as hell, but she had to prove to herself that any attraction she was feeling towards Byakuya was purely just admiration from a sibling, and in no way did she have anyone besides Renji in her heart. So she decided to go see him in his office once, just to confirm to herself that it was all just some sort of weird temporary phase that she was thinking of her adopted brother more than her actual boyfriend. That seeing him would make her realize that there's really nothing there. And that was when she saw her friend Rangiku coming out of his office, clearly very distracted by whatever happened in there for she didn't even sense Rukia's reiatsu.

 _Rangiku? What the hell was she doing in Nii-sama's office?_ Rukia caught up to her friend pretty quickly, flash-stepping over to one of the roofs, and scaring the crap out of her.

"Oh my god Rukia!" Rangiku yelled out, clearly not expecting her.

"Woah there Rangiku, you look like you just saw a Menos Grande or something. I didn't think I could scare you this easily."

"Ha ha ha," Rangiku laughed awkwardly. "What are you doing here Rukia?"

 _Why is she acting so weird?_ "I should be asking you that. What brings you here to my Nii-sama's office?"

"I…umm…my captain needed me to relay a message to the 6th Division's captain," and then accusatorily pointing her finger at Rukia, "So why are YOU here then?"

 _Ah shit. Come on come on think of some excuse…_ "What did you need to talk to him about?" Rukia asked, hoping her friend would just forget about it.

"Now that, dear, is between Divisions 10 and 6. And you still haven't answered my question," Rangiku said, giving her a suspicious look.

 _Damn it…_ "I…I came to…talk to my brother about my engagement party." _That's believable right?_

Rangiku's face got serious all of a sudden. "Wait…so you guys worked out all your issues?"

"Yeah. We did."

Before Rangiku could say anything else, a Hell butterfly showed up, interrupting the conversation.

"Uh-oh, seems like there's trouble," said Rangiku.

Yes, there was trouble.

~Byakuya~

 _Dear Byakuya-sama,_

 _I've always wanted to call you like that, by your name, and not "Nii-sama", so sorry if I've offended you in any way. If you're reading this right now, Rangiku-san must've given it to you…which means I am probably not alive. But it's okay, after all, dying while trying to save a friend is probably the best way to go I think. I'm sorry if you think what I'm doing is stupid, but…you know me, I can't abandon a friend in need. There are many things I never got to tell you and probably never will so I'm writing this so I can be at peace…_

 _I've admired you since I first laid eyes on you. I always wanted to prove myself to you, to do you proud because you made me a Kuchiki, and like you I wanted to bring honor to your family as well. And I don't know when that admiration turned to something else, but it did. So naturally it hurt me when you seemed to not care about me or show any interest in my achievements, but what hurt the most is when you didn't do anything to protest my execution sentence. Now I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad at all, I just want you to see how I saw things from my perspective. Anyways, that all didn't matter, not once you saved me from Ichimaru-taicho. And you've continuously been saving me since then. I don't know if it's because you saw Hisana in me…but I'd like to believe it's because you really did start to care about me. I actually cannot believe I am writing this, but…you mean a lot to me you see; a brother, a friend, and...anyways I know Renji likes me, the truth is I've just been trying to deny that fact because I don't see him the same way; I simply am not able to and perhaps it is because he was not the man I was meant to be with. But if it's what you would be fine with, then I can marry him, but it definitely wouldn't be for love. Byakuya-sama, _. The reason I am leaving this blank space is so that you can fill it with the words you wish to see, as I am pretty sure the words I wish to write are probably not the ones you would wish to read. But that's okay. I want you to be at peace with my death, and know that the only regret I would have is not spending enough time with you and really get to know you as I have done so with my other friends._

 _I wish you happiness, and I wish you would pursue happiness. Make friends…and find love once more if you can, I wish that for you. Take care._

 __,_

 _Rukia_

What Byakuya was able to understand was that she wanted him to be happy, so she did care about him. And now seeing in writing that he really was admired by her, a part of him felt very happy, but then seeing as how he never acknowledged her much made him angry at himself for being like that. But he couldn't help it, the truth was he wasn't sure how to act around her exactly, but at the time minimal contact appeared as the best option for somebody like him who could not afford to have such weaknesses. However, Byakuya continued to stare at the note, trying to piece together everything else of what exactly she was trying to say. _What does the blank space mean? What are the words she wanted to say? What does she mean "the words I wish to write are probably not the ones you wish to read"? Does it mean "I love you like a woman loves a man" or "I love you as a sibling"?_

Thoughts were swirling around in Byakuya's head, he never had to try this hard to understand anything. He was Byakuya Kuchiki of the noble Kuchiki family, captain of Division 6, and he considered himself someone just as smart as he was strong. But he just wasn't sure when it came to Rukia. Did she really love him? Or was it just some sort of infatuation phase when she kissed him? But she had said I love you to him when she was drunk, so did that mean she did? Well even if she did then, she was with Renji now. _But I still need to know…_

Suddenly a Hell butterfly came in, knocking Byakuya out of his infinite spirals of thoughts.

~Rukia~

The head captain, now Shunsui Kyoraku, called upon all the leaders of every Division. Rukia was there as lieutenant of Division 13 but also stood in place of her Captain. He was much too sick to even show up, so Rukia would do many of his duties in his place.

Rukia looked around the whole room, picking up on various emotions lining people's faces. Rangiku was standing next to Toshiro having some kind of conversation with Izuru with just her eyes, while Toshiro just had an indifferent look. Kenpachi was grinning, and Ikkaku was smiling as well, clearly excited that they may have to fight someone. Renji gave Rukia a smirk. Rukia was going to avoid looking at Byakuya, but she couldn't help it, he was literally right next to Renji. She looked at him, expecting him to be looking straight ahead at the wall or at the ground, but was very much surprised to find his eyes locked with hers. He didn't look away, causing Rukia's face to start heating up as she broke the eye contact. _Why is he staring at me?_ She glanced at him one more time, and he was still looking at her, kind of confused, as if he were seeing some alien specimen. Rukia blinked multiple times involuntarily, and he finally looked away.

The head captain finally showed up. Shunsui's face would always have a playful smile plastered on, but whatever the issue was clearly worrying him because he was currently not smiling. The room filled with an air of unease because it had been a while since there had been a major concern that the head captain felt the need to call upon all of them for.

"Alright everyone, I've called you here today because I have some, well, not so great news. The members we had dispatched in Karakura Town seem to have… disappeared."

At this everyone started murmuring in worry. _Disappeared? What the hell?!_

"Let's calm down, we have the Kurosaki kid and his friends to take care of any problems currently such as Hollows. However, I do think it imperative to find our missing members." He then paused for a moment before calling out, "Rukia Kuchiki of Division 13."

Rukia stepped forward. "Yes, Chief Taicho," she acknowledged him with respect.

"I would like you to go to the World of the Living within the day, and let us know what exactly is going on there. And do let your captain know before leaving. The rest of you are on standby for now."

"Wait!" Renji interrupted. "Chief Taicho, you want her to go alone?"

"Why not? She is a lieutenant after all."

Rukia felt embarrassed. Did he really think she wouldn't be able to handle a simple task like this?

"That's not what I meant…" Renji murmured and slunk back.

"Alright, you're all dismissed now, shoo," Shunsui motioned with his hand for everyone to leave.

Rukia was about to leave but looked back at Byakuya who had gone up to the head captain, clearly wanting to discuss something in private. She walked out, feeling deeply confused, but shrugged away that confusion and replaced it with determination for she had to focus on the issue at hand: the disappearance of her division's members.

~Byakuya~

The idiocy of his lieutenant still managed to surprise Byakuya. Yes, he understood his concern for her but did he seriously not realize that _there was an audience?_

As everyone started to clear out of the room, Byakuya went up to the head captain, requesting to speak one on one with him.

He led Byakuya to his private office. Sitting down and crossing his hands, he asked, "So what is it you wanted to speak to me about, Kuchiki-taicho?"

"I realize my lieutenant did bring this up earlier, but do you truly believe it is a wise decision to send her alone?"

He sighed. "Not you too. Don't tell me you still underestimate her?"

"No, it's not that."

"I can see you're concerned for her, but my decision still stands. Besides she won't be really be alone there anyways, she's got Ichigo and her other friends."

 _Ichigo Kurosaki certainly would do anything to keep her safe…_ "I understand. However, I do have another request. I would like to speak with the prisoner Sosuke Aizen. And I would appreciate if you not ask the reason why."

At this, Shunsui looked surprised. He leaned back on his chair, thinking for a moment, as Byakuya stood there waiting for a response.

"Alright, permission granted," he said, smiling.

Aizen was not allowed to have direct contact with anyone, and so Byakuya could not actually speak to him "face to face" exactly. A phone/speaker type system was in place in the facility, and Aizen was in a room where he could not see anything on the outside, however, Byakuya on the other side could see him. A sort of police interrogation-type room for shinigami.

"I can't believe I actually have a visitor today! It's been so long. And imagine my surprise when I find out it is our dear nobleman Kuchiki-taicho. How are you doing, Captain?" Aizen greeted him as if they were friends or something.

"Let's skip the pleasantries. Tell me how to give Rukia her memories back."

That's it for Chapter 1! I know nothing too exciting has happened but I'm just getting started hehe...Anyways let me just say it physically hurt me to write that RenRuki scene in the beginning (sorry but I don't ship it at all LOL) so I tried to make it as short as possible haha. Thanks for reading guys and do leave a review and favorite/follow, and thanks for your time! I will try to update as soon as I am able to (perhaps your reviews will motivate me to update sooner though...;) jk but seriously each and every review makes my day so even a few words mean a lot!) -Much love, cggirl3


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